Birth stories
I know some of the women who read my blog have already had children. After talking with Brian about the possibilities and problems associated with childbirth – I’m pretty sure I don’t want to give birth – for multiple reasons. The biggest is that I’m needlephobic, and while pregnancy and childbirth *can* happen with no needles involved, Brian has said he won’t support my desire to not have a needle without my permission. i.e. he’ll let the nurse/doctor stick me with a needle without asking my permission first. I will not have an IV put in me “just-in-case”. The second is that I’m a pretty selfish person, and after several horror stories about bodily functions after birth (incontinence, bleeding, and hemorrhoids), I’m not sure that it’s worth it.
So, it basically seems like I’ve heard all of the horror stories, and none of the good ones of giving birth. I’m inviting my readers/friends/family to share with me non-horrible birth stories, or reasons why I’d want to actually give birth. I have no problem with the raising children part – we both want to be parents, and there are options other than giving birth that result in raising children, so “it’s all worth it” is not a valid reason. My mom loved me just as much as she would have loved a child who wasn’t adopted, so unless you’ve got one birth child and one adopted child, the “you’ll love them more” isn’t a valid reason for me either.
So, stories, reasons?
Possibly Related
I haven’t given birth yet myself, so I don’t have a story for you. Here are a few thoughts on what you’ve said:
If you want to avoid needles, you do have options (like a birth center) where there are few or no needles and they’re not automatically offered. If you need surgery or drugs, though, they’ll take you to a hospital.
A midwife may be more likely to listen to your intentions about needles and other things; you can also hire a doula, whose job is to make sure that you get what you want (so if you tell her no needles, it is her JOB to make sure you don’t get any needles).
Of course, if you really NEED something via needle, what then? You’d have to be comfortable with that possibility.
In the months/years prior to deciding to get pregnant, I read up on births and heard all kinds of horror stories. And I also sought out good stories, like you’re doing. And once I had time to think it over, I decided to go ahead.
In the same vein, don’t read “What to expect when you’re expecting” when you’re expecting! Read it beforehand so you know what kinds of things can happen, then put it away. It’s meant to be reassuring but it’s basically a list of things that can go wrong.
OK, and to come closer to answering your question, here are two birth stories (unassisted, even!) by a crunchy hippie mama told in cartoon format – her 4th and 3rd kids:
http://www.mama-is.com/the-birth-story-of-ean-campbell/
http://www.thecowgoddess.com/the-unassisted-birthstory-of-gwyneth-kai/
I’m OK with needles when they’re absolutely necessary – however, the policies and practice at hospitals here are “as soon as the mother is admitted, stick an IV in her just-in-case” – even if she doesn’t need it. If I can be convinced that what I want/need requires a needle, then I’m generally OK with it. I’ve had my share of needles before, but generally every time I have to get stuck for something, I’m even more anxious about needles. Right now, the doc generally has to prescribe me valium to take before blood gets drawn. And I don’t think they will give valium to pregnant women.
Despite my current state, I don’t really see why birthing is actively necessary to starting a family. Adoption IMNSHO is equally valid and kinder to boot. You’re not less of a woman if you don’t make a baby with your vagina, and you’re not less of a mother either. Anyone who says otherwise is speaking from their insecurities and inadequacies.
That being said, I am very much looking forward to my own imminent birth experience. I had all sorts of things I was terrified of based on other peoples’ horror stories, until Dave and I attended a birthing class offered by a doula.
We learned that:
- The partner’s JOB is to keep in mind what you wanted in your “birth plan”, and to defend your wishes to the hospital staff IF you decide to birth in a hospital. His or her job is to not let them: use suction, use forceps, stick an epidural, stick an IV, stick a whatever in you unless they can give a good enough reason why. When the “why hospitals usually do these things” discussion happened I understood a lot better what the difference was between “what I want” (zero interventions) and “what I might have to be prepared to endure if something goes wrong”.
- A doula (hired for a modest fee) can be engaged to help do all of the above tasks if the partner does not feel they can do so and still keep your safety in mind / stay focused / whatever. Doula’s are trained in a lot of what can go wrong in birthing and can help explain to you / help you make the right decisions for you as opposed to the right decisions for a hospital.
- Planning to birth outside a hospital is also a possibility. Depending on where you live, midwives can help you plan to birth at home or in a birthing centre where a minimum of intervention is likely to occurr. We are PLANNING to birth at home, however understand that if baby is late, if pain medication is needed, if baby is breech, or if any other complications arise then we will end up at the hospital anyway.
- Taking good care of your body and being informed is a great way to avoid and reduce possible birthing horror stories. Everything from regular exercise and yoga to help keep the down-there muscles in shape, to odd things like “perineal massage” can reduce the likelihood of tearing, incontinence, post-partum depression, etc. Also, planning to birth outside a hospital can help with those as well, as midwives are more concerned with “the most comfortable birth possible” whereas hospitals are more concerned with “the fewest lawsuits possible”.
We watched a few truly aspiring birth videos in our birthing class — one where mom even caught her own baby, and a much grittier/realistic one that took place right here in Toronto. Both were outside-the-hospital, truly beautiful, completely inspiring births and I’m oddly dreamy about looking forward to ours being that way.
We’re also getting “birth stories” from the other students in the birthing class as they go into labour, and it’s amazing but every one of their stories so far is “seven hour labour, did it at home, things went amazing, what a positive experience” type stories — which reinforces the message we got in class that “if you walk into it scared and thinking it will hurt, it will hurt. If you walk into it hopeful and empowered, it will go much better.” The fact that physical people we know are sending us these very recent very real stories is also really empowering.
Ask me again in August and we’ll see what I have to say about it then…
p.s.
While birthing may not necessarily involve needles, being pregnant tends to involve at least a couple of blood draws, depending (again) on your physical health, age, and other circumstances.
The blood draws during pregnancy I know I can refuse – up until I’m 35.
Of course, Brian has already been informed that we will *not* be having any children after I’m 35.
You can refuse any medical treatment as far as I know, and you’re right about refusing the down screening blood draws.
Just FYI, there are some pregnancy blood draws not related to screening for abnormalities. Depending on your physical condition and random factors affecting your pregnancy, you may be advised to get tested for gestational diabetes, type B strep, and a few others that I’m not aware of because they haven’t suggested them to me yet.
If you have type B strep, or something, there may be a danger of infecting the baby as it passes through the vaginal canal — necessitating an antibiotics IV during labour, or necessitating a ceasarean in some cases I THINK — they haven’t given me all the details about this test yet since it’s only done in the last month or so.
Pregnancy is often viewed as a “condition” in north america, so they treat you like you’re a sick elderly person and suggest subjecting you to lots of tests and things. There’s lots of guilt around “would you really want to risk your baby” and other crappy attitudes.
I’m not suggesting that you need to have blood draws in pregnancy at all, just letting you know some of what I’ve come up against so far…
i hear you, and when you read our birth story soon, you will run screaming. thing is, you can plan all you want for the “perfect” birth…one wihtout IVs, without a hospital. but you never know what will happen in the end, as it did with us. and if you can’t fathom going through that at the very least in an emergency situation, then childbirth is not for you.