Well, I’ve at least called a psychologist to make a first appointment – I got voice mail. You see, I’ve got this really bad irrational fear of needles. And it’s very specific to *me* getting stuck with them. I don’t faint, I just have a panic attack at the mention of needing blood drawn or of needing a vaccine. I’ve managed to discover ways to at least cope with it, and do it when absolutely necessary, but that involves asking a medical professional to go against their “good bedside manner” training. I can’t be told when the actual needle is near me, and most will say “OK, here we go” – guaranteed to set off a full blown panic attack and make the experience miserable for all involved.

At some point in the near future (1-2 years), Brian and I want to have kids. Being needle phobic is *not* going to make that pleasant (not that it is anyway), but I’ll be going from requiring a needle every 4-5 years, to every 4-5 weeks. My concern is that even though Brian and I have worked a way together that I will submit to the needle (he keeps me occupied by having me do rather difficult math problems in my head), the anxiety will still cause some harm to our fetus(es). They don’t give pregnant women Valium. So, while we still have plenty of time, I’m going to see a doctor about what some possibilities are to help me cope with the needles without causing panic attacks. There are also plenty of opportunities to test whatever methods we use as I’ll need some blood work and possibly vaccines before we even try to get pregnant.

I’m not sure how everything will work out, but I’m hoping that at least, my panic attacks will subside a bit so that I’m not consumed by the thought of a needle for a good nine months.